Cinnamon Bears

Off Topic

I’ve not been writing for a while. I’ve not been drawing. I can't really explain, other than to say, things are not as clear as when I started this blog.

I would like to continue, once I’ve sorted things out, but I don’t know when that will be. Sometimes, I think about deleting what I’ve done. But I haven’t, because many have told me they like it. I do think about going in a different direction. We will see.

Right now, as I take a break and wait for inspiration to strike, I’m “losing myself” in the work of others. When not a lot makes sense in my own little corner of the world, I've often found that the right music or movie does make sense. Recently, I’ve stumbled across two that have woven their way into my consciousness. They surprised me, stirred something deep within, and they stayed with me longer than I expected.

The first is the Broken Bells record. As a longtime fan of the Shins, and to a lesser extent, Danger Mouse, I wasn’t sure what to expect from this odd pairing. Well, a month later, this CD is still living in the player in my car. It’s something special.



The second is “Fantastic Mr. Fox.” I came late to this movie, missed it in theaters, but caught it once it was out on DVD. It is wonderful in every way. Classic story, memorable characters, vivid stop-motion animation, with music that just takes it to a whole ‘nother level. I've watched it repeatedly, and I can’t remember the last time I’ve enjoyed a movie this much.



Here are two works of art by people doing what they love, each finely crafted with layers upon layers of detail. Maybe they haven’t found as big an audience as they deserve, but for their core groups of fans, it makes us positively light up inside. Like magic. Some would say that’s the measure of something truly great. Do something uniquely your own, and someone, somewhere will say, wow. Mercer and Mouse have done that for me. So has “Fox” director Wes Anderson.

I am grateful they do what they do. And that suggests to me, that I should keep on doing what I do. Whatever it is.

Vaccine Link Debunked

The 1998 study that claimed vaccines cause autism has been retracted. Turns out, the doctor behind it had big time conflict of interest. His work was funded by lawyers suing the vaccine makers, and his own vaccine product stood to benefit by eliminating its competition. If that isn’t bad enough, he took blood samples from children at his son’s birthday party?!? Yikes. Parenting FAIL.

I never bought the vaccine link. If you did, I hope this changes your mind. Autism is a natural difference. We need less blaming, more understanding.

The Elephant Whisperer

Here's a story of a 10 year old autistic boy in Oregon who tends the elephants at the zoo. And go fig, he's really really good at it! He feeds them, gives them a bath, and even cleans up the dung. Now that's commitment.

Temple Grandin has written extensively about how autistic people can bond with animals. Kudos to the safari park for letting this kid live out his special interest. And his family says it's helped his communication skills. Go Wylie!

Simply Be

I’ve just finished reading Donna Williams’ Somebody Somewhere and enjoyed it a lot. I’ve been working my way through the autobiographies of spectrumites – Robison, Grandin, Willey, Shore, Sanders… and just by coincidence, Williams ended up on the bottom of my pile. But it turns out I connected with her style of writing much more than the others. She takes it to whole 'nother level of honesty and intimacy. Her writing is not simply descriptive; it’s as if you, the reader, are there in her head, in real time.

There are so many wonderful ideas in this book I can relate to, but perhaps the most important is what she calls “simply be.” A state of awe and bliss she shares with her companion, a fellow autistic person, as they experience nature, the environment around them. An alert, childlike state, like seeing everyday objects for the first time.

“We were able to ‘simply be’ within company. We picked leaves and gave them to each other, velvety ones to feel and dead ones to hear as they crackled. We snapped twigs near each other’s ears and were tickled by the sound. We picked grass and snowed it over one another and laughed as we let it drift into the wind. We looked at the way light played upon things and sometimes laughed if we noticed the inexplicable strange reactions of people who stood so clearly ‘out there’ in ‘the world.” (p.196)

‘Simply be’ immediately reminded me of what Eckhart Tolle calls “presence,” and I’m convinced the two concepts are intertwined. That elusive state where you feel wholly yourself, that you’re “all there,” in absence of worry. Self-acceptance, and in Donna’s case, acceptance of autism as a part of her self. But perhaps the best thing about “simply be” is that it can be shared with another. A level of communication without words.

I think many of us are looking for that in our lives, and in our relationships. Freedom to be our authentic self without putting on an act. Whether we call it “simply be,” or “presence,” or another name. Have you experienced it?

I think maybe, “simply be” is the Snoopy Dance.

Battling Bakugan, and Social Anxieties

It’s Friday night and we’re sitting on the floor underneath a sign that says “Neuroscience” in big block letters. I’m being given a crash course in Bakugan by a boy about 12. It’s teen/tween Aspie game night. The kids come to work on their social skills. We volunteers come to model appropriate behavior. But sometimes, it seems the roles get reversed.

I’m mystified. My young opponent has explained the rules, and he’s done quite a thorough job of it. Yet, I’m not picking it up. Cards with numbers, colors, symbols, something called G-power, and the little transforming action figures/game pieces, each with its own personality, folded up neatly into a sphere or other geometric shape. The cards are dealt, the pieces chosen; it's time to battle each other. My move. But clueless me, I still don’t know one piece from another or what my cards mean.

Here's where a neurotypical would ask questions. When you don’t understand, ask, right? But where to start? My own social skills come and go, and tonight I know I’m having “an off night.” It’s been a long week, and my brain hasn't been able to shift from work into play mode. So far, I haven’t managed much more than “oohs” and “ahhs” as my half of the conversation. I feel rather like a Bakugan myself, tangled and twisted into knots. Meanwhile, this boy has been patient, articulate, and eager to share his favorite activity. I can’t quit.

“I’ll roll this blue one,” I finally say. He looks at me, genuinely concerned. “I’m sorry to ask this, but, are you color-blind? It’s gray, not blue.” Oops. Well, the thing is clearly a blue-gray, but no need to argue the point, and I correct myself.

Next, time to play a card. I’ve got a red one and a bunch of green ones. Sensing my continued bewilderment, he comes to my rescue. “If you let me see them, I promise to help you!” I gratefully hand over my cards. “You want to play this one. It makes your guy stronger.”

So we go several rounds in this fashion, he doing the decision making for the both of us, me trying my best to follow along. I keep waiting for him to quit this hopeless game in frustration. But he doesn’t. My guy beats his guy. And then again. Before long, I have a pile of three cards in front of me. “You won!” He puts out his hand to shake mine. “Good game!” “Thank you for teaching me,” I say. Left unspoken is the thought in my head, “Thank you for not quitting on me.”

The game over and the pressure off, topics of conversation finally pop into my head, and we talk a little while about how many Bakugan there are (hundreds), how he learned to play (the Internet), and which ones combine to make a giant one. He stands up, ready to scan the room for the next activity. Then, to my surprise, he grabs my hand again, and with a strong tug, helps me up to my feet from the floor. Grinning, I say thanks once again. Anyone who says Aspies aren’t well-mannered, I’ve got a kid I’d like you to meet.

As a longtime volunteer, it’s happened to me before, and I find it to be true wherever I go. I catch myself wondering who is the mentor, and who is the mentee.

Photo credit: Flickr creative commons by Neeta Lind

"Dude, I'm An Aspie!" On Sale in Paperback

I am excited to announce the original "Dude, I'm An Aspie!" cartoons have been published as a paperback book. Now you can get your very own copy in yer hot little hands!

This 38 page book is on sale now for $5.89 at lulu.com! It includes a new introduction, a quick list of AS resources, and a few words about yours truly. Here's a blurb:

Hey! Looking for a way to explain your Asperger's traits to others in a way that's clear and fun? Do what I did! Just say, "Dude, I'm An Aspie!" and give 'em this book. My cartoons helped my friends understand where I'm coming from. I hope they do the same for you.