Thoughts and illustrations on living on the autism spectrum.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Auditory Processing Joust

Hark! Tis the hour of battle, as the noises of the day do take up arms and compete for mine attention, like gladiators in the coliseum of my mind.

The Beeps and Pings of text messages, and the Bodily Emissions are first to throw down the gauntlet. Mere hecklers, these! Such pucks are easily vanquished.

The Unanswered Ringtone poseth a greater menace; this troublesome vandal shan’t go down so easily, but by my blade, his fate is sealed.

Then cometh the Sidebar Conversation, clamoring with cacophony, dazzling with the drool of gossip.

But in rode the Gushing Extrovert, confounded dolt! O, how he doth prattle on about minutiae. And lo, he didst slay the Conversation with sheer tomfoolery!

What, ho! The Conditioner of Air hath raised the stakes, with his terrible rattle, a most venomous beast! Accompanied by the guttural clangor of his brother, the Jackhammer. Belligerent scalawags; these two have a taste for blood.

Ah, but tis none I fear so much as the Whispered Conversation – the most dreaded of them all! With muted speech, he veils his meaning in wizardry, yet compels mine ear to listen – nay, I cannot match wits with this ruffian! The battle is lost!

What is auditory processing disorder?


  1. man can i relate! Saw this article at the same time as this cartoon today:

  2. I got myself tested for auditory processing disorder because I have issues understanding what people are saying. For example, I was waiting for an Indian take-away with a friend and I could hardly understand him because the restaurant music was getting into my brain. I mentioned it, and he said "Oh, I hadn't noticed it". How could he not notice it? Anyway, I tested normal, so I still don't understand what causes this. Great cartoon :)

  3. Ah...the dreaded gushing extrovert. What the heck ARE you supposed to do with one of those? I think ours thinks I'm a little slow because I just smile and nod alot when he gushes into my space. I'm not autisic, but those kind of people make me vapor lock anyway. All that wide open familiarity freaks me out. It feels like some kind of veiled aggression to me. Maybe I'm just paranoid...

    1. "Vapor lock"... I like that. Are you sure you aren't an Aspie?

  4. The air conditioner is a boon at night, drowing out the various noises outside. The dreaded whispered conversation is very annoying, especially when you can hear every word, and try to drown it out in your head that you're not supposed to be hearing it lest you be labled an eavesdropper.

    For me though, the worst is the emoryboard or dull pencil, worse than nails on a chalkboard.