A more perfect accessory, is there one? Wearable input, encasing my eardrums, the universal “Do Not Disturb.” Atop my head, they go with me everywhere, my armor against the world. Distraction-free, I’m a dynamo. Give me my cans, and I “can-do!” Spectacular bubble, admittance one. Float me to a destination of my own piloting, envelop me in a singular soundtrack I alone choose. Choose your own adventure! Feed your ears, your soul, your brain, it’s all a click away. Why click away? Isn’t it obvious? All around is mindless babble. Silence has gone extinct, a void we rush to fill with all manner of jabbering. Talking heads, gloom and doom, commercialized homogenized carbon-copy sound bytes, bothersome beats beating me down... intrude no more! Amid the hubbub of audio offense, my defense is strong. Put on a new set of ears, like you would a new outfit, it’s a new day. Splendid isolation! Why, I can even hide from my own mind. So let’s drop all pretense of “friendly chatter,” my ears need better buds. Give me my drown sound. Seal me in my listening chamber! With these shells atop my head, I’m goin’ full tortoise mode. Text me if you need me. If you must talk to me, feel free to look for my body, though I may be out of it. Would that I could evolve headphone ears! An extra appendage, always close at hand. Perhaps we'd be better off as pod people. An end to all bickering, just add distance and our divisive differences dissolve into one big silent rave. Now that would be splendid.